An eMOTIONal May

My goodness.  This has been a wonderful and challenging month so far.  I guess you can say things haven't been running smoothly in our house.  Now, you can skip this personal spill coming up and just go to the photos, or maybe you will read it and get something out of it.  It is your choice.  :)  

I have learned that I should keep my blog posts short, but sometimes that isn't possible for me.  Writing is one of the best parts of blogging.  As I was saying, things haven't been easy at home.  My son and I are butting heads more than we are getting along, and today it all came out.  Every other Friday is Tahlequah night.  I leave work early, we get dinner at Zaxby's, and drive to Tahlequah to drop off Zayd'n at his dad's work.  It is a long drive, but we usually enjoy music and relax.  Tonight's drive started with us both in tears, and they weren't happy tears.

Lately my motherhood skills have been tested.  For whatever reason, Z has had an attitude and hasn't been very kind - and this is NOT my son.  He gave me an attitude about his phone (got downgraded from the iPhone to a flip phone last month because of grades and lying).  I asked him to take it, and he told me to call him because he didn't know how to text with  it.  I asked him if he wanted to learn and he was rude and told me "no".  So, I kind of snapped at him and we got into the car.

We turned on some worship music and I couldn't hold in my tears.  Part of me wanted my son to see how his actions have affected me, and the other side of me was upset because I was letting him see me this way.  Maybe I was being overdramatic, but I was fed-up.  It is SO hard to find that balance in parenting.  When your child tells you that he would rather be at school than at home because he feels like he is always in trouble, it hurts.  But, you don't want to raise a wild child.

A couple of songs played, and we were both in tears.  I silently cried and didn't say a thing, because I wasn't sure what to say.  I know he has been upset because his two best friends are moving to other states this summer, and I know so many things start to change when you get close to becoming a teenager.  I remember how emotional I was when I was 11.  It is hard being that age.  I turned down the radio and asked him what was wrong.  He sobbed and said, "I am a jerk."......oh no.....that is not how I want him to feel.

I laid my heart on the line.  I Told him that I loved him and that I was sorry for not being more sympathetic about his pals leaving.  I thought I was helping him prepare to "brush off" this life change, but that is NOT the way to handle it, because he has such a big heart.  He has never had friends this close, and they are moving away.  Most people want to raise a manly man, but I want to raise a man with a big heart.  I want him to be tough as well, but I want him to be empathetic, and he is definitely that.  I also told him that his actions have made things difficult for me, and that I need him to help me.  He knows what he has to do, and I am just praying that we can lift each other up rather than tear each other apart.  I am not expecting to make my son's childhood magical, but I want to be pretty awesome.

By the time we got to Zaxby's we were good to go.  We were smiling and ready to blast Twenty One Pilots for the rest of the drive.  It is our Tahlequah drive CD, and we can quote their latest CD almost word for word.  We are preparing for the concert in August.  :)  It will be Zayd'n's first concert, and it is going to be FANTASTIC!

The point of this post?  It is just to say this:  Be kind to your kids.  Listen to them, and really be there for them.  Ask them about their day, and show them that you are interested in what they have to say.  Love them with all that you have.  Spend time with them.  If your two year old daughter wants to put band-aids and stickers on your fluffy belly for 30 minutes, you let her do it and you talk to her and smile.  If your child wants to talk about all of the Pokemon characters, you let them, and you do your best to be interested in it.

Moms and Dads - Kids are awesome.  Do we have rough days? - Yes.  Are there days when we want to throw in the towel? - Yes.  However, most of the days are pretty wonderful.  Their giggles, smiles, personalities, and joy all make parenting worth it.  I am so thankful for the kids that God gave us.  

Ok, on to the photos - That is all you care about anyway, right?  Just some photos of Sev taking on a giant swing set at my pal's house, my son and his booby balloons (no judgement), Sevyn's birthday party, and water fun.  I Also included mine and Thomas' slip n' slide photos.  I believe we are past the age limit.  My poor husband's ribs are still sore.